


Balfour Steelballs

by windfallswest



Category: Havemercy Series - Jaida Jones & Danielle Bennett
Genre: Ballads, Crack, F/M, Humor, Song Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-19
Updated: 2011-09-19
Packaged: 2017-10-27 14:53:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/297042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/windfallswest/pseuds/windfallswest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some people have commented on what cruel teases the authors of <i>Steelhands</i> were in not transcribing some few stanzas of <i>Balfour Steelballs</i>. I have endeavoured, in my own small way, to correct this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Balfour Steelballs

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the limerick drinking song, but also very slightly on the tune of [John Paul Jones](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uSGOGh5kHtY) by Johnny Horton (which I mention only to get it stuck in all of your heads).
> 
> This is so incredibly NSFW. Rather foul and quite probably offensive, after the nature of drinking songs.

Chorus:  
Balfour Steelballs was a man, a flying man was he  
He lost his hands to the Ke-Han, but worser woes had he:  
He lost his balls and pecker too, which was a misery.

Thirteen airmen once flew  
To give the Ke-Han their due.  
They cussed the sky black  
And it cracked as they jacked  
And it rained on the dome when they blew.

Ai yi yi yi  
The Ke-Han are ass-fucking nancies.

When Balfour got mangled so bad  
It made th'Esarina quite sad.  
She pled with th'Esar  
And bastion, to please her  
Th'Esar replaced Balfour's 'nads.

[Chorus]

His dick once had a name  
That put all his brothers' to shame.  
Now it's twelve inches long,  
A solid steel schlong.  
Said Anastasia, "Feels just the same."

Ai yi yi yi  
Who wants to fuck Mary Margrave?

Once his nibs Airman Balfour  
Took up with a Mollyrat whore  
"They were cold we begun,  
But by the time we were done  
Everything felt well and warm."

[Chorus]

His statue up there in the square  
Decided they ought to compare.  
They pulled down their drawers  
And lined up for the whores.  
Balfour won, two inches to spare.

Ai yi yi yi  
Your father refills chocolate beignets

'Tis the truth, not one of our japes  
That Balfour had some close escapes  
Undid Greylace's laces;  
He tried out her paces.  
Says he, "Her carpet, it don't match the drapes."

[Chorus]

Ai yi yi yi  
The Arlemagne all take it like women.

Th'Esarina was vexed  
'Cause she missed the way Balfour sexed.  
But when Balfour came by,  
Th'Esar let fly.  
Said Balfour, "Don't worry, you're next."

[Chorus]

Bonus verse!

Balfour's new balls are steel, not brass  
And here's how we know, not to be crass  
When the two hit together  
It caused stormy weather  
And lightning shot out of his ass!

Ai yi yi yi  
You cuntlicking whoresons smell vile!


End file.
